Saturday, 1 March 2008

housemates, relationships and the will of God

i've been thinking about each of them separately, but it's intriguing to see how they all come together. to be sure (and as a caveat), there are clear differences* between choosing housemates, entering a relationship and discovering the will of God. nevertheless, the process of finding housemates and a house for the next academic year has led me to think about such things and how they flesh themselves out.

*for example, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (do not be yoked with unbelievers) does not extend to choosing housemates. there is nothing wrong with living with unbelievers in so far as 'whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, [you] do it all for the glory of God [and] do not cause anyone to stumble' (1 Corinthians 10:31-32, NIV).

to move or not to move, that is the question (like in a game of chess)

as an international student, i have the option of staying on campus for all 3 years of my course. at the same time, i've been thinking about moving off campus for the greater freedom it brings (albeit being a bit further from classes). of course, moving off campus doesn't happen overnight; first you have to find housemates, then you have to find a house.

i've been praying about it (my housemates have also been praying about it, even before some of us met each other) and God has graciously provided great housemates and a great house. i'll be staying with 3 other christians (all of whom are british) in a nice house (which was actually offered to us by a graduating senior in my small group) quite close to campus. we're really looking forward to living together next year and using our house for the glory of God.

this is not to say that we will definitely be staying together in that particular house next year (although that certainly looks to be the case). God gives and God takes away, but we have the confidence that 'if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. and if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him' (1 John 5:14-15, NIV).

God will provide the right thing at the right time; why forfeit His blessings by going for the right thing at the wrong time or the wrong thing at the right time (to say nothing of the wrong thing at the wrong time)?

there is nothing wrong with staying on campus or moving off campus. for that matter, there is nothing wrong with having christian housemates or not having christian housemates. at the end of the day, keeping God's commands and discovering His will is what counts.

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." - John 15:9-17 (NIV)

whatever your move is, remain in Christ!

our hearts our hopes our aims are one (happy founder's day!)

The freedom of Jesus is not the arbitrary choice of one amongst innumerable possibilities; it consists on the contrary precisely in the complete simplicity of His action, which is never confronted by a plurality of possibilities, conflicts or alternatives, but always only by one thing.

This one thing Jesus calls the will of God. He says that to do this will is His meat. This will of God is His life. He lives and acts not by the knowledge of good and evil but by the will of God. There is only one will of God. In it the origin is recovered; in it there is established the freedom and the simplicity of all action.

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Ethics

The "one" will God has for us consists of a commitment to put Him first in everything. then, when we make specific decisions concerning the future, we can be confident that what we choose becomes God's will for our lives.

- Jerry Sittser, The Will of God as a Way of Life

single and free

"Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts.

Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you - although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to." - 1 Corinthians 7:17-24 (NIV)

bearing in mind 1 Corinthians 7 (marriage), there is nothing wrong with getting married or staying single. there is nothing wrong with being in a (long-distance) relationship or not being in a (long-distance) relationship. however, the only reason why i should be in a relationship is if it's according to God's will. indeed, the only reason why i should be doing anything at all is if it's according to God's will.

as john macarthur (one of the last people you might expect) affirms, 'don't worry about finding the right person, worry about being the right person. and if you're the right person, then the person God has for you will recognise you'. if you're the right person, you will have the right desires for the right person and the right person will have the right desires for you. this does not rule out the possibility of staying single and free in Christ.

holding on and letting go

before you're able to hold on to something, you must be able to let go of everything. even when you're holding on to something and it's thus far according to [your proving of] God's will (be it housemates, relationships or anything else), you must still be able to let go of it if things change* and it's no longer according to [your proving of] God's will.

*from your perspective, not from God's (God does not alter His eternal decree)

if you love something, let it go.
if it comes back, it's yours.
if it doesn't, it never was.


if you love something in Christ, let it go in Christ.
if it comes back in Christ, it's yours in Christ.
if it doesn't [come back] in Christ, it never was [yours] in Christ.*

*it might be in Christ, just not yours in Christ.

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